the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
