Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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