I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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