he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
