Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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