What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
