Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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