dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize