We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
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