Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
