Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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