My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
