I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
