Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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