it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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