everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize
