Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
