Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
