I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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