i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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