i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
