I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
