I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
There are leaves in my underwear?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
