Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
