How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
