I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
