you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
