i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
