I am spending my child support on dildos
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
