1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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