I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
