Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
