We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
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