please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Randomize
