I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Randomize
