I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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