Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Randomize
