She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
