How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
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