new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
