i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I think I sprained my soul last night
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
