I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
