u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
