he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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