he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
