plz talk dirty to me
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
i now understand why vodka
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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