Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
