Me too!
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
