did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
