I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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