apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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