im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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