a queef is a wish your heart makes.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
