you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
