Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
